


Love Like You

by emo_and_confused



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, Song Lyrics, TommyInnit Needs a Break (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), Traumatized Tommyinnit (Video Blogging RPF)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:01:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29479605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emo_and_confused/pseuds/emo_and_confused
Summary: Tommy doesn’t understand why Tubbo sticks around, and he finally breaks down.~Lyric ficSong: Love Like You; From Steven Universe
Relationships: Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 9
Kudos: 161





	Love Like You

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics are italicized  
> Dialogue is Tommy speaking to Tubbo  
> Fic based on Tommy’s internal thoughts

_ If I could begin to be _

_ Half of what you think of me _

_ I could do about anything _

_ I could even learn how to love _

* * *

“Tubbo, I’ve fucked up so much. So goddamn much, and you keep smiling at me like that,” Tommy began, frustrated. “Smiling like I’m someone worth the world, like I haven’t ruined your life, ruined other people’s lives, time and time again.”

* * *

Tommy knew he made mistakes. He made them as easily as he breathed. And even though he can admit that, people didn't seem to acknowledge his guilt. He supposes it's only fair, he’s messed up more times than he can count, and there are probably times that the others can point out that he doesn't recall. But Tubbo acts like Tommy didn't start wars, like he hasn’t led people into battle and gotten them hurt. He acts like Tommy is redeemable, like he is worth being forgiven. Tommy doesn't understand. How could he? It doesn't matter that Tommy never meant to get people hurt, that it was Wilbur who put him in charge of armies, that it was Dream who kept instigating and kept painting him in such a terrible light. It doesn't matter, because Tommy still messed up; he didn't handle the situations the way he was supposed to. It doesn't matter, and he doesn't understand why Tubbo thinks it does.

* * *

_ When I see the way you act _

_ Wondering when I'm coming back _

_ I could do about anything _

_ I could even learn how to love like you _

* * *

“You hold yourself up so high, so confidently, and I don’t understand, man.” Tommy gritted his teeth and looked away, his fists clenched, trying to gather his words. “Dude, I.. I don’t understand how you trust me the way you do. How you still wait for me to come home at the end of the day, how you’re still here.”

* * *

Tubbo walked with his head held high, looking like he owned a confidence Tommy only pretended to have. After they win a battle, his smile grows and he's more sure of himself; he holds himself up. After Dream’s imprisonment, where Tommy struggled to breathe around small craters made by creepers, Tubbo's on top of the world, like nothing can hurt him. Tommy would envy him if he wasn't so proud of his best friend. He just doesn't understand why Tubbo stays, why he waits for him at the end of the day. Tubbo is worth so much more than him, Tommy thinks. He could go so far, without Tommy holding him back. 

* * *

_ I always thought I might be bad _

_ Now I'm sure that it's true _

_ 'Cause I think you're so good _

_ And I'm nothing like you _

* * *

“You know, Wilbur once told me we were the bad guys, and that we should act like them. I’ve come to accept that I am a bad guy, that I have made some terrible mistakes and that I shouldn’t expect to be forgiven. But you.. Tubbo, you’re the best goddamn person I’ve ever met, the best person on this entire server,” Tommy’s voice cracked. “I’m nothing like you, Tubbo. I never have been.”

* * *

Tommy knows he’s not a good guy, but Tubbo makes it so clear that not only is he not a good guy, but he's a bad guy. He’s been through so much, but so has Tubbo. And yet, Tubbo is able to see the good in people, and Tommy can’t. Not anymore. When Wilbur asked him if they were the bad guys, he had said no. Now, though, he’s not so sure. Wilbur turned out to be a bad guy in the end, didn’t he? And Tommy’s been a bad guy for so long. The nightmares he has of his brother telling him to embrace being the bad guy; maybe his subconscious is telling him something. Telling him that while he didn’t want to be bad, Wibur was right. 

* * *

_ Look at you go _

_ I just adore you _

_ I wish that I knew _

_ What makes you think I'm so special _

* * *

“Fuck, goddamn it. I.. Tubbo you’ve done so much. You managed to be president at your age, you fought wars, you fucking forgave your killer, you had the weight of an entire country and it’s civilians on your shoulders. I admire you so much, you’re so,” Tommy gestured, his head turning away in his rant. “You’re so fucking cool, man.”

* * *

Tommy adores Tubbo so goddamn much. He's so proud of him, and if he could, Tommy would give him the world. He’d never say any of this, because then Tommy would be admitting that he was aware he wasn’t enough for Tubbo. And Tommy knows he’s selfish, he know’s telling Tubbo would mean Tubbo wouldn’t have to feel bad for staying with him. Because that was the reason Tubbo stuck around, right? Because he felt bad for Tommy? Because he held some sort of self promise to stay? Tommy knows he could go far without him, and he can’t bring himself to say it aloud. 

* * *

_ If I could begin to do _

_ Something that does right by you _

_ I would do about anything _

_ I would even learn how to love _

* * *

“I don’t even know how to love people anymore. Tubbo, you trust people, and you care about them, and all I can do is wait for the next back-stabbing. You look at people and see the best, and I see the next betrayal, or the next person I end up hurting. I’ve hurt you, Tubbo, and I.. I don’t think I can ever make anything up to you. I’ve put you through so much.”

* * *

Tommy knows he owes Tubbo more than he can give, and for some reason, Tubbo never makes him pay. Tubbo hasn’t demanded compensation for Tommy’s wrongdoings, and Tommy doesn't know how to cope with that. Everyone else does, some going as far as threatening his life. But Tubbo--who Tommy has hurt by accident, and who Tommy has occasionally and purposefully damaged his property, and who has been punished just for being Tommy’s friend-- has never asked for such compensation. Tommy isn’t sure that he knows how to look for the good in people anymore, how to see new accanitences as more than potential threats and victims. He isn't sure that he knows how to give his love for people properly, and he's definitely not sure how someone who is so open with his kindness can stick around with someone like him.

* * *

_ When I see the way you look _

_ Shaken by how long it took _

_ I could do about anything _

_ I could even learn how to love like you _

* * *

“You’re so brave and confident and,” Tommy floundered for words, before closing his mouth defeatedly. “I don’t have words for how amazing you are, you’re just.. you’re you, and you’re honestly the best thing anyone could ever be,” Tommy smiled sadly, tears finally leaving his eyes. Tubbo stared back.

* * *

Tommy know’s Tubbo is the best person on this server, the best person to have existed in this world. He’s seen how his best friend has grown, seen how he gains confidence with his experiences. And Tommy knows he just isn't like that. He knows that he gains trauma with his experiences, that he only feels the freedom from his past after a victory for only a few moments, before everything crashes down again. Tubbo-- who was ready to give his life so that Tommy could live, ready to die at Dream’s hand so Tommy could have his peace--Tubbo, his best friend, who is the reason Tommy is still here-- was so much more than he would ever be.

* * *

_ Love like you _

_ Love me like you _

* * *

“I don’t know how you love me, how you’ve stayed this long. Tubbo, you’ve been used against me so many times due to my attachment, my love, for you. How do you stay? Tubbo,  _ I don’t understand _ .” Tommy breaks down, and Tubbo does too. The older pulls his best friend into a hug and they sink to the ground. The two of them didn’t speak; Tubbo in silent shock at the rant, and in fury at the world for doing this to his friend, and Tommy in broken sobs, having held in everything for so long.

* * *

Tommy didn’t understand, and maybe Tubbo would help. 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Advice? Critique? Validation?
> 
> Drink water, or something. Go be healthy,,,,
> 
> Tumblr: emo-and-confused


End file.
